(32) Prayer Wheel

"Perhaps our assembling in choir at various intervals of the day, to
dedicate those times explicitly to the love of God and to renew our
own spiritual strength, is the greatest test of all. We have to be
unselfish enough to drop the work we are engaged upon, however
interesting, and go and be apparently 'unproductive' in church. We
have to make the serious effort to empty our minds of our pre-
occupations and have the dispositions of the poor in spirit, empty of
self, waiting on God."
[Dame Paula Fairlie, OSB, "Forshadowings" in A TOUCH OF GOD:
EIGHT MONASTIC JOURNEYS, St. Bede's Publications, 1982, p.116.]

Comment: At the time of publication, Dame Paula lived in Britain.
But Benedictine houses all over the world have their daily prayer
schedules, called their great work--"Opus Dei." I remember when
I first started reading books by Thomas Merton, a Trappist who
followed the Benedictine Rule and schedule, that he envisioned this
as the Great Prayer Wheel of the West.

I've visited monasteries, and have attended their scheduled prayer.
On the surface it does seem rather perfunctory--and maybe it is
for some, but for others it may serve as a means to move into
greater depths of prayer and reflection.

As for myself, being beyond the walls, it oft seems difficult to
maintain any sort of schedule. I do manage prayer in the morning
and night, which may be enough considering my circumstances.
Rather, the problem for me is about the "depth" of prayer. No
doubt I'm not alone when it comes to this situation, but I do feel
nagged over my lack of effort.

Sometimes I don't really feel that I am actually communing with
AnyOne. Is God really there, listening to my prayers? I certainly
hope so. Over the years nagging at myself, thinking about this
issue of prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if God truly
dwells within us, well then S/He knows our innermost thoughts,
and that really how we live forth our life is actually the most
significant prayer we can pray. How we respond to the urges of
the Spirit is also prayer. We are *listening* to God, who (I believe)
actually initiates communing with us. For me, there seems no
trouble listening to, discerning what I think are messages of the
Spirit.

Still, I nag at myself--really feeling inadequate when it comes to
initiating prayer towards God. It's like I'm not doing my part in this
relationship. So, maybe the traditional Benedictines have it right--
in that they schedule their prayer, engage in their great Prayer
Wheel, day in, day out. And being wise folk, they know that often
they are remiss when it comes to the depths of prayer, but they
continue and continue until it hopefully becomes a very rich
relationship between "Thou and me."