(44) Personal Integrity

"It is at this point, we must face it squarely, that the
behavior of the externally 'good religious' who, in good
faith, unconsciously, certainly without guilt, has in fact
compromised with one of the most basic demands of his
humanity (the demand for authenticity and personal
integrity), is a scandal to those who are still deeply
aware of their need to attain to a fully human and
personal integrity..."
[Thomas Merton, CONTEMPLATION IN A WORLD OF
ACTION, Image Books, 1973, p. 83.]

Comment: The more I read Thomas Merton, the more
I like this late great Trappist. Of course I suppose it's
natural to agree with people with whom you agree. And
speaking of "natural," I suppose this is a good time to
inject my appreciation of the Ancient Stoa.

The Stoa was a school representing Stoic Philosophy
all over the ancient Mediterranean World--founded
some 2300 years ago by Zeno of Citium in Athens.
Interestingly, I encountered both the Benedictine
Tradition and the Wisdom of the Stoa nearly at the
same time. I won't go into detail about Stoic Philosophy,
only to say that a few of it's tenets correspond somewhat
with those of the Benedictines. (Indeed the early
Benedictine monks saved a lot of classical works,
including Stoic writings, by both securing them and
maintaining them by making copies in their scriptoriums.)

But the point I want to make here is the Stoic emphasis
on following your personal nature. They were all about
coming to "know thyself." Good advice, because when
it comes to integrity we need understand our personal
proclivities, our natural inclinations!

That does not mean we have to throw away the text
books or the rules or regulations, but rather see how
we can personally operate under their aegis. In some
cases, circumstances might be so extreme as to disallow
one from following some rules, some regulations. Here
it's about choice.

And I must admit that occasionally I have worried when it
comes to my choice to hold close to the Benedictine
Tradition. When I first entered the Benedictine world, I
was about as "unconscious" as I could be. I was operating
on instinct, I guess. I was dying of spiritual thirst, and for
some odd reason I chose a monastic oasis.

Interestingly, it was this encounter with the Benedictines
that I eventually strived to come to know myself, strived to
understand what made me "tick." I cannot even point to
what it might have been that jump-started me. I'm just
grateful that it happened.

Slowly I learned how to mesh Benedictine wisdom with
my own natural interests and proclivities. But I must
emphasize the word "slow." Earlier I surely was a midget-
sized scandal, when I was trying to be a "good religious."
Rote, all rote, with little natural input. Eventually, from the
depths of me, I nearly walked away from the Benedictines--
thinking that I had made a mistake, thinking that they were
all wrong for me.

But something just as deep in me, said "stay." And it was
at this point that I began accommodating the Benedictine
tenets with my own inclinations. It was not easy. I had to
get my head out of the box, so to speak. And that can
sometimes be disturbing. Because you think that you are
breaking the rules!

It took me a long time to accommodate, seeing the
Benedictine tenets in new ways with new eyes. And
after years of inner struggle working to accomplish this,
I did. And guess what? After I woke-up, so to speak,
I discovered that Benedictine authors were writing about
the very same things over which I had struggled for so
long.

There's room for personal integrity in the Benedictine world.