(16) Benedictine Soul

"It occurs to me that rather than be so thrilled that the abbot
chases me around with books in his hand--oh, special me,
favored oblate--I should be humbled. Spending an entire
weekend with oblates, I see the kinds of books they read and
apparently absorb. I am quite the lazy, undisciplined one,
and my poor abbot is just trying to get me to the level of the
rest of my class."
[Carol Bonomo, THE ABBEY UP THE HILL: A YEAR IN THE
LIFE OF A MONASTIC DAY-TRIPPER, Morehouse Publishing,
2002, p. 169.]

Comment: Carol Bonomo is a Benedictine Oblate residing
in Southern California. Her book is a delight. And it provides
a lot of insight about the goings-on in a Benedictine abbey--
and, also, about her own monastic growth under the tutelage
of a retired abbot in his 90s.

Her book makes me think back, about the delightful time I had
studying under a much younger Benedictine abbot. In my case,
I gulped down Benedictine books like mana. Good food for the
soul. However, what we talked about during spiritual direction
was not so much book-learning but rather about becoming
*more* a Benedictine soul.

Book-learning is necessary for anyone wishing to master a
discipline, but with the Benedictines there's so much more that
is needed. It's about honing one's soul in a certain way. We
have the Rule of St. Benedict. We can read it (over and over),
and we can have others tell us what it means, via books, or
by example.

But what I learned from my abbot was mainly via example.
My good abbot lived a Christ Life, which I greatly honored. He
also was a superb listener--and "Listening" is a primary Benedictine
feature. He listened to the pain in my soul. He listened to the
hope in my soul. He even listened to the ambition in my soul.

It's not wrong to have ambition. What is important is the character
of that ambition. Important, too, is how ambition is carried out.
At the time I had my sessions with my abbot, I was extremely
ambitious about become a true-blue, successful Benedictine.

So I crammed in all the book-learning I could about the great
Benedictine Tradition. Tried to lock-step into the Rule, working
to connect strict medieval measures with my more diverse modern
life. Ultimately I over-loaded, nearly burning out. Hence my sense
of failure, my pain, brought me to my abbot.

He slowly taught me how to listen to my soul. This involved prayer,
it involved meditation, contemplating, even psychological under-
standing. He helped me "mine" the depths of my soul. And what I
found was something True and hopeful.

This kind of soul work is monastic work, if you will. Once one has
reflected in this way, then the book-learning can come into play.
All in all, it is about honing soul, ever striving towards becoming a
Benedictine soul.

My good abbot is gone now. God took him in his prime. Me? Each
day I pray my abbot's soul to keep. He was a great Benedictine soul.