(23) Stripping Self

"What I was to find in the novitiate, and since in the monastic life, was
not the outward or bodily austerities that I had feared, but something
more demanding: the stripping of self, the grappling with the 'old man,'
the resistance within and the struggle as the Lord shaped the old into
the new..."
[Alan Rees, O.S.B., an article "Love Bade me Welcome" in A TOUCH
OF GOD: EIGHT MONASTIC JOURNEYS, edited by Maria Boulding,
St. Bede's Publications, 1982, p. 57.]

Comment: At the time of publication, Dom Alan was at Belmont
Abbey, a Benedictine house in Great Britain. And before he became
a monk, he was a successful musician.

What stood out for me in the above paragraph was the fundamental
challenge of "conversio morum," forming oneself into the Christ Life.
But Dom Alan has it right, that one must strip their old self. Of course,
this situation holds true for any successful trek into a finer life--whether
a monk or in any other honorable vocation.

So how do you "strip" your old self? Just my opinion, it's maybe more
growing out of it--one level at a time. It's about development, evolving
if you will. Some folk believe we just have to *deny* our self; and,
frankly, that's pretty hard to do. Others think that our old self is
necessarily bad, and we must overcome our self. In some cases,
perhaps there is some serious truth in this. Maybe our old self is
simply a mess, unacceptable to the situation to which we aspire.

I've been guilty riling over my self, old or otherwise. Such an approach
creates a lot of turbulence, and just maybe is actually a "negative" when
it comes to stripping self. The Benedictine approach involves a lifetime
working towards the Christ Life within and without.. It's about plateaux
we encounter as we grow monastically, as we develop spiritually.

It's about a quiet, ever present formation process that consists not only
of intellectual learning but also social learning. Benedictine books are
there for anyone to find, if they wish. (I have always found something
new and important for my life in every such book come my way.) In
the monastery, there's the novitiate, and afterwards special studies
that are monastically inclined. But the School of the Lord's Service
is much more. It's about appropriate behavior towards one's neighbor;
and in the monastery, that neighbor is constantly in your life. There
are set forms of behavior, right down to the proper position of the
hands as well as particular ways to bow.

On the surface, maybe these forms of behavior may seem superficial--
but they are not, in that they become ingrained and help develop us
towards directing proper attention towards the other or the Other.

But maybe the most pointed approach involved when it comes to
"conversio morum," that monastic conversion of manners, is
contemplation. There are varied approaches when it comes to
contemplation, whether via meditation, prayer, or Lectio (pondering
deeply on spiritual readings). In the monastery, specific time is
made for the various means of contemplation.

However, outside the walls, those following the Benedictine Tradition
will have to provide their own discipline when it comes to "conversio
morum." Could be tough going, there's no denying it. Regardless,
it becomes more readily possible if one does *not* go too hard on their
old self--but, rather, gently enters the stream of positive change towards
the monastic goal of the Christ Life.

Still, there's always a wrench-in-the-wheel. This formation, whether
inside the monastery or beyond the walls, will never cease--even unto
the end of your life. One cannot quite make it into perfection. And if
one thinks that they are perfect, they become suspect. Still, it's worth
the effort in my view, growing into an ever finer maturity.